BlogTeens, Dating & Tech

February is Teen Dating Violence (TDV) Awareness & Prevention Month. TDV affects millions of young people in the U.S., and it includes physical, sexual, emotional, verbal, financial violence, and stalking. Dating violence and abuse is a pattern of manipulative and violent behaviors that are used to exert power and control over a dating partner. It can happen in person or online. 

At C.A. Goldberg, we have seen so many cases of dating violence and abuse, and with an increasing reliance on devices among children and teens, more and more often it is occurring online. This includes image-based sexual abuse, AKA “revenge porn,” sexting without consent, creating social media platforms under a partner’s name…the list goes on. The newest evolutions of technology we’re seeing are teens using “nudifying” apps to create digital forgeries of their classmates and even horrific situations where teens have become emotionally dependent on AI bots to deadly result. Fortunately, Carrie was testifying to Congress about legislation to hold tech companies accountable for the products they are haphazardly releasing to teens. 

If you have a teen in your life, you’ll know how savvy they are when it comes to downloading and quickly using new apps, finding information online at lightning speed (or hiding it), sharing photos and videos, etc. Their phones are always with them, and sometimes it seems impossible for even the most cautious and tech-educated parents and caregivers to keep tabs on their teens’ tech use at all times. 

92% of teens reports going online daily, including 24% who say they are online almost constantly.  

What many parents and caregivers may not know is that TDV is PREVALENT, and it’s not just happening in-person, but online, too. In fact, 81% of parents believe TDV is not an issue or admit they don’t know if it’s an issue. Yet it affects millions of young people in the United States. One of our staff members who has a 14-year-old asked several of her friends with teens what their biggest concerns were when it came to TDV, explaining that current technology seems to play a factor more and more when it comes to abusive partners finding ways to gain power and control in relationships. 

She was shocked to hear their responses: 

 “My daughter isn’t dating so I’m not worried about it.” 

“I’m not really worried about teen dating violence. I’m worried about a lot of other things that can happen online, though.”  

“My child hears about things that other teens are doing to each other when dating, but I don’t think anyone would call it violent.” 

 Yet, it’s happening:  

• 10% of teens claim they have been threatened physically via email, IM, text, chat, etc.
• 1 in 3 teens who have been in a relationship say they’ve been text messaged 10, 20, or 30 times an hour by a partner seeking their whereabouts.
• 19% say that their partner used a cell phone or the internet to spread rumors about them. 

It is our passionate opinion that social media products marketed to kids are enabling harms.  And it is on these products to manufacture them in a way that does not make them exceedingly attractive for teens to weaponize. 

When Carrie testified to the Senate, the shrill for big tech, from FOSI, said the solution was “more digital literacy” for parents and teens.  The American Library Association’s digital-literacy task force defines digital literacy as: “the ability to use information and communication technologies to find, evaluate, create, and communicate information, requiring both cognitive and technical skills.” Resources are available to identify signs of tech-facilitated abuse and violence in teen relationships.  

We have plenty of resources available on our website to help navigate how to take the first steps in handling tech-facilitated abuse. Many schools also provide resources to both students and their families – in-school assemblies for students re: online safety, information and tips available through the guidance counselors, and parent/caregiver specific events. However, given the current unknown around the Department of Education and the inevitable cuts to school funding across the country, the most important line of defense is open communication between parents/caregivers and their children.

Most importantly – and we cannot emphasize this enough – teens and their family and friends need to know that they’re not alone in dealing with this. Here are a couple of tips to help: 

• Reinforce healthy relationship messages with your child beginning at an early age. Remind them that if they’re ever uncomfortable or scared in a relationship, to come to you with their fears. 

• Recognize the signs of abuse (check out our power and control wheel for teen relationships below and linked here).  

• Recognize the signs that your teen may be a victim (isolating from friends, giving up the things they love, changes in appearance, always excusing partner’s behavior).

We believe every teen deserves to feel safe and respected when dating. Teens may not be able to recognize these signs of abuse, or may stay quiet because of shame and embarrassment, or may not want to tell their parents because they already disapprove of their relationship. Remember that we are here for you. If you or someone you know is a victim of TDV, please know that you’re not alone and we’re here to help.